Sparing You the Details

Last night 143 AMA members and hangers-on fired up the networking barbie for a night of free beer, nachos and a slammin’ jam band (54 Bicycles) at Fuel…and, well, I’m not going to bore you with the details.

Hell, I’m not even going to bore you with a rough outline.

The thing is, either you were among the 171 people who were there, or you weren’t. If you scored the coveted AMA koozie, you don’t need my report. You didn’t see any Peloponnesian warriors running to the newsstand for the latest battlefront post from Thucydides, did you?

Likewise, if you weren’t among the motley crew of 196 — and by “motley crew” I mean “printer reps” — there is a low likelihood in the vicinity of a Cubs pennant or a Snooki Ph.D. that you give a monkey’s butt about a party you weren’t at. Anything worth hearing about would have made it to the 11:00 news.

(Also, after three futile years attempting to attain inebriation during high school, my teetotaling ways render me utterly unqualified to report on the malt beverages. I couldn’t distinguish liquid gold from toad sweat.)

All this reminds me of Barry’s Newsletter Manifesto, which I present in torturous detail to my CofC students each semester, and which includes a dire warning against two-page spreads (in the anachronistic version) or two-scroll screens of scenes from the annual convention/fundraiser/gala/store opening attended by 150 of the 7,000 members/customers/readers. From a marketing standpoint, these kinds of articles are evidence of an organization reveling in itself at the expense of its customers.

This may seem perfectly elementary to you, but you aced your marketing courses, the driver’s test, the Cosmo quiz and your pap smear. Many of those less fortunate in the strategic thinking arena have difficulty remembering, or understanding how, to focus on their customers’ needs.

Now, it wouldn’t surprise me if someone were to post on the AMA Facebook page a handful of snapshots from the jollity. We all love photos (unless they involve ourselves standing next to one of the “motley crew” and consequently appearing to be approximately four-foot-six) and can ignore them if we choose. But we’ll spare you the blow-by-blow accounting of  217 attendees, their latest work news and their drinking habits.

For that, you’ll have to come to the next event, though with 225 people, the fire marshal may balk at letting you in.

barry waldman